could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
