I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
