so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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