Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
