I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
