this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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