Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
