Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize