Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
