I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
