we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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