Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
