i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
