Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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