Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
