I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
