So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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