someone threw a dead crab at me
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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