Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
