apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize