I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
