She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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