How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
