So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
