need another drink. this is the easiest way
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
