Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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