I just cut my nipple shaving
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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