just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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