Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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