I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
