He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
