I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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