im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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