Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
