"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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