I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
false alarm, still single
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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