Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
