btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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