I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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