you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
