proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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