FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
