I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
