I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize