I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When did angry sex become our thing?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
