My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
