So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
