I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
