hotel room ftw
I accidentally burped into my bong.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
