you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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