My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
