He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
