I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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