i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
