You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
