I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
