Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
