i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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