my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
