Whatcha textin bout Willis?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
