I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
