areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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