lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
