I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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