in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If I die, sorry about rent.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
