Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
