Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
