I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
