i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
