I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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