So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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