i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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