I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Say something about gay babies.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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