We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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