He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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