Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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