This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
40s are totally the cure
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
