Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So vagazzling was a success
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
