If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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